I'd like to share with you (my diminishing readership) some of the gems that have been hidden away in my wallet until quite recently. You may want to keep reading, after all...some of these may involve you...or someone you know...or me:
YOU OR A CLOSE FRIEND WILL BE MARRIED WITHIN A YEAR
See, I told you you'd want to keep reading. That's right my friends...it might be me...it might be you. It might be any one of my fifty million Mormon friends out there who've actually taken that step within the past three or four weeks. That's the wonderment (yes, that's areal word) of the fortune cookie. Somehow it KNOWS that within the span of a mere 365 days, someone's gonna tie the knot. Magical. Look out ladies, cuz I don't need game when I've got a fortune like that in my back pocket.
YOU DESERVE RESPECT AND WILL GET IT
Damn right I will (sorry for the profanity Mom, but you know how fortune cookie talk gets me riled up). So now that the fortune cookie gods have decreed it, I think it's time you and I came to a mutual understanding of what it means to respect David Keithly. I've taken the liberty of drawing up a short list:
1. It's always appropriate to bow when I enter a room. While I don't expect you to prostrate yourself on the ground (I don't discourage it either), a simple bow from the waist will suffice. Try to pass off a head-nod as a bow and I hope you're feeling brave...and lucky. And I also hope you have a fortune that says something about staring death in the face and walking away...
2. Appropriate titles for David Keithly include (but are not necessarily limited to: my lord, my liege, oh enlightened one, admiral, fantastico, commodore or chuck norris.
3. Friendship dues are due by the first of the month or said friendship will be suspended. No exceptions. No extensions. No refunds.
4. Stay away from my frozen hoho's.
AN OLD FRIEND WILL INTRODUCE YOU TO NEW PEOPLE AND PLEASURES
Here's the homework assignment for this blog entry - if you've known me for longer than 7 months, you'd better get on this one. It's not really up to me HOW you're going to do it...or even WHAT you're going to do. Be creative...and remember that the fortune cookie gods are watching.
AMONG THE LUCKY, YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE
Proof positive:
8 comments:
hi david...umm, fill me on the new girl please!!!! you know that i have to approve of her :)
hrmmm...
get this: two weeks ago I was at a Chinese restaurant and I got a fortune that said "If you're still hungry, have another cookie." I was, and miraculously there was an extra cookie at the table that I ate as well. What were the chances of me still being hungry after eating Chinese AND the restaurant owners giving us an extra cookie???
From Scot
You seriously make me laugh. NICE DAVID! Please fill me in on this girl! She is BEAUTIFUL! GO GET EM TIGER!
hey that second to last one about an old friend introducing you to new people...it's been fulfilled! Matt's an old friend and he introduced you to Vanessa! Duh silly!
Oh my goodness are you hiliarious! I always look forward to reading what you have to say. Thank you so much for that, oh enlightened one.
Love the post, and love the looks of your girl! Dude, we are sooo excited for you and can't wait to meet her.... We will be in Cali July 10-14, PLEASE sign us up for a day, when are you available???
Oh One-who-used-to-live-in-shed-shaped-like-a house-in-his-parents-backyard,
It is hard to respect someone who loved the show "The O.C" so much. ..and academy arms hardly seems like the 5 star resort of royalty. Then again if a girl likes you, that automatically manufactures some respect. Unfortunately I dont think I can bring myself to a bow until you buy a Nintendo Wii and can beat me at Mariokart!!!! Now that would be respect!!!
ADAM REYNOLDS and his Man-cub.
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